Christian Merchandise: My Jesus, I Bought Thee

I discovered this video on YouTube last weekend. Man, does it bring back memories.

Don't get me wrong—I largely enjoyed my three-year career in a Christian bookstore. There was a daily satisfaction in solving problems and finding appropriate resources for customers, and there was a special satisfaction in putting a Bible in the hands of a new Christian or managing a special order of foreign-language resources for a missionary or church mission group.

But...there was also the Christian merchandise, and too much of it. It seemed that everyone and his third cousin was out to make a buck on Jesus. And to add injury to insult, Christians are poor merchandisers. Terrible merchandisers, really. Way, way behind the times in nearly every aspect of retail. Prone to stock and sell anything bearing a cross, Jesus fish, or praying hands. Not only did we have bad merchandise, we had mountains of bad merchandise.

So enjoy this glimpse into my past, and the special Christian retail version of "My Jesus, I Bought Thee" that I wrote shortly before my departure from the industry in 2006. It's inspired by true events.



“MY JESUS, I BOUGHT THEE”
TEXT: St. Charles the Illuminous
TUNE: GORDON, by Adoniram J. Gordon

My Jesus, I bought Thee, I know Thou art mine;
I got Thee last weekend for one ninety-nine.
I found Thee on clearance—one of Thine arms was gone,
But, Lord, what a blessing to buy Thee for a song!

I bought Thee because Thou didst glow in the dark.
Thou floatest in water just like in Saint Mark.
And if I need wisdom, I simply pull Thy cord
To hear a beatitude or other holy word.

If tempted or tried or confused I may be,
I look at Thy chest; it says “WWJD.”
And all of the fear and the doubt fade away
When I am reminded of this Christian cliché.

On dashboard or nightstand, on key ring or purse,
I’ll keep Thee for good luck—hey, I could do worse.
For Thou art almighty but also pocket-sized;
Thy power in cheap plastic is cleverly disguised!