Joe the Plumber, Poster Boy for the McCain Campaign

I knew something didn't seem quite right when I first watched the "Joe the Plumber vs. Barack the Taxocrat" segment on the news the other night. But what could be more blue-collar-American than a plumber? And what could be a better rags-to-riches, pull-yourself-up-by-your-bootstraps American Dream story than a blue-collar plumber who now clears $250,000 a year? And who better to critique the Obama tax plan?

But I don't know Joe the Plumber from George the Garbageman, so I imagined he must be a Horatio Alger story come to life. Why, even the moniker "Joe the Plumber" evokes the standard Algerian protagonists of such classic dime novels as Ragged Dick, or Street Life in New York with the Bootblacks; Frank Fowler, the Cash Boy; Paul, the Peddler, or the Fortunes of a Young Street Merchant; and Joe the Hotel Boy, or Winning Out by Pluck.

As we all know from last night's debate, Joe the Plumber has experienced another such transformation, this one political, as he became Joe the Plumber, Poster Boy for the McCain Campaign. The candidates dropped Joe the Plumber's name two dozen times during their debate. McCain was intent on using Joe the Plumber's story to prove his point that Obama wants to sock it to small business owners, who despise the Democrat's plan to execute the economy by lethal taxation. Just ask Joe the Plumber. He knows.

Except...he doesn't.

Joe the Plumber isn't a small business owner. He just works for one. Joe the Plumber doesn't clear $250,000 a year. ("Not even close," he says.) He just wants to. Someday. Today, Joe the Plumber isn't even a licensed plumber. He hopes to take over his boss's existing plumbing business one day, which will cost about $250,000. He admits that even then he will be in no danger of becoming a Platinum Patron of the Barack Obama Share-the-Wealth Foundation.

This morning, ABC's Diane Sawyer asked Joe the Plumber if he knew he would be a "major part" of the debate last night. "Oh, no, no. No one's contacted me as far as if I was going to be on the debate or as far as my name being used."

You would think McCain would want to check out his new six-shooter before showing up at the 08 Corral at high noon with it holstered at his hip. You would think. But you'd be wrong.

Poor guy.